What’s Up With That, Interweb?
I spend all day on the Internet. I work for a Web site, and I’m addicted to Facebook, Google Talk and any number of other time-suckage devices, so you could call me a Web junkie (better than “Web crack whore,” I suppose). And let me tell you, the Internet is really excited that I’m getting married. It tells me so all the time! It gives me recommendations on what wedding stationary to use, where to go on my honeymoon and even how to lose those pesky extra pounds (which I apparently have put on, according to the Internet).
Facebook is the worst– constantly bombarding me with annoying ads about “revolutionary” diets and “romantic” photography packages (side note: if I see another soft-focus shot, I’m gonna hurt someone).
And I don’t even know what to say about this one:
But it’s not just Facebook; my buddy Google has done me wrong, too, scouring my e-mails for wedding keywords and harassing me within my own e-mail. Gmail is supposed to be my happy place!
I’d just like to note that the words “baby registry” keep coming up, and I don’t know why. Nowhere in my e-mails do I use the words “shotgun” or “pitter-patter of little feet.” There are some things we don’t joke about, Google. I can always change my relationship status to “It’s Complicated” on Facebook (though then I might get break-up self-help books), but I have no idea what to do about the all-knowing Google besides writing my e-mails in code. Any ideas?
9 comments
Unfortunately, you’re a gold mine! The ad vultures are definitely circling over all the stuff you’ll have to buy for the wedding.
Google isn’t perfect, though; if they knew you and Brian, they’d be serving up ads for R&R, Captain Morgan, etc.
Hey Gill, you know, the interweb just is a way to spy on you and to convince you that you are a bad person. We have the Swiss to blame for this; actually the Swiss and the French. I blame the French more. You could use some kind of mail program and that way you would be able to bypass all the mumbo jumbo ads and stuff. Good luck!
[…] I spend all day on the Internet. I work for a Web site, and I’m addicted to Facebook, Google Talk and any number of other time-suckage devices, so you could call me a Web junkie (better than “Web crack whore,” I suppose). And let me tell you, the Internet is really excited that I’m getting married. It tells me so all the time! It gives me recommendations on what wedding stationary to use, where to go on my honeymoon and even how to lose those pesky extra pounds (which I apparently have put on, Source: http://no-dowry.com/?p=64 […]
My favorites were the ones for Russian brides. I got those via the lovely Google.
If Google really, really knew you, they’d have a picture of Katie Ide dressed in a ragged, torn bridesmaid gown, holding a bottle of sangria, making a crazy face, with the headline “WAS ALL THIS REALLY NECESSARY?”
Hahaha…I’m not saying it won’t come to that. I’m just saying let’s hope it doesn’t, but that after a six-hour reception I ain’t making any promises. I’m a lady!
Gill, I get the baby ads constantly. Facebook and Google are attempting to contribute to my moral demise. Oh, and ruin my life.
Since my internet somehow runs through Italy, I guess I miss out on all the fun wedding ads. I do get a variety of ads in Italian though, which may or may not have anything to do with weddings and/or babies. Here’s an example. I just wish I knew what ‘Hotel’ meant in Italian.
Hotel e Alberghi
Prenota un letto ora! Prezzo per persona per notte, sempre centrali.
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Giochi Online
Gratis!
There’s always the old paper-cup-telephone communication gag.
That’ll show the interweb.
If that picture is any hint, that skinny bride’s secret is two fingers down the throat after lunch.
One of the Google ads directs you to “Google Chrome: Clear all of your browsing history and protect your privacy.”
It’s as helpful as a pop-up window advertising a service to get rid of pop-ups.