With my own awesome parents

I started my own list after Katie Ide inspired me with her “10 rules” for her “really, incredibly unborn child,” but it has been sitting neglected on my desktop since this summer. Thank you, Nicole, for reminding me of its existence. It’s a good exercise to try to wrap up your own values and beliefs into little bite-sized pieces. Here’s the first installment; I’ll try to add to it in 10-item increments as the fancy strikes me.

Oh, and by the way, this does not mean that we are planning on hearing the pitter patter of little feet any time soon. So please don’t ask me. As my friend Heather so wisely puts it, “It is rude to ask a woman when and if she is planning on having children because you don’t know a thing about her. That being said, if you ask me, I might cut you. Also, don’t ever tell me to relax. Because if you do, I just might ask you how easy it is to relax while I am hurling my fist at your jaw bone.” There is no way I can improve upon that.

Rules for My Future Children: #1-10

1. Learn to speak a second language well enough to swear comfortably. Live in a country where it’s spoken long enough to know your grocer or bartender by name.

2. Keep a journal, especially during your hardest and happiest times. It will be cathartic to write and entertaining to look back on.

3. Love cooking as much as you love eating (if you’re my child, you’ll have no problem with the latter). Don’t fear vegetables, spices or seafood.

4. Take lots of pictures and make sure you’re in some of them. Recognize that you are damn good looking.

5. Don’t let your peers dictate your timeline. Life is way too short to live by other people’s expectations.

6. Listen to your instincts when it comes to love. Be open but not careless. You’ll know when you find someone who brings out the best version of you (you’ll also know when you’re dating a tool).

7. Do something active every day—make exercise a necessity and not a chore. When in doubt, walk there.

8. Read newspapers, novels and non-fiction regularly. Indulge in Us Weekly occasionally.

9. Know how to drive a stick shift, throw an impromptu party and type with your fingers on the right keys. These are all skills that will serve you well.

10. Surround yourself with positive people. Real friends will support your crazy ideas and smack some sense into you when you’re thinking of quitting.